The Difference Between Reading About Change and Doing It

In this episode, I'm talking about something I think a lot of us are quietly doing without realizing it. Maybe you're still in it, reading and listening to everything you can find about binge eating and emotional eating, trying to finally understand it well enough that something changes. Or maybe you've already gone through most of what's out there and you're left wondering why understanding it hasn't actually changed anything. 

Either way, we're diving into the real difference between learning about change and actually doing it, and why staying informed, through books, podcasts, or anything else, can quietly become its own way of staying stuck.

What you'll discover:

• Why understanding something doesn't automatically change it
• What I call shelf-help, and why it feels so safe
• What reading actually gives you, and what it doesn't
• What doing the work actually requires

If you've read every book, listened to every podcast, and you're still stuck in the same place with food, this episode is for you.

The Book Experience begins August 18 and enrollment is open now. You can also find my book, The Binge Eating Breakthrough, and the companion workbook at janepilger.com/book.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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You've read the books, you've listened to the podcasts, you've probably highlighted more passages than you can count. And you might still be struggling with food, having that same fight with yourself over and over. Today I'm talking about the difference between reading about change and actually doing it, and why staying informed can quietly become its own way of staying stuck. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you've probably read more books on this topic than most people ever will. And I trust that you're still here looking for what's next, even after all that reading and learning hasn't fully worked yet. So today I want to start with my own history with this. All of that reading and learning that never quite turned into the doing that I imagined, because I think you might recognize yourself in some of it as well. And I find it just helps to know you are not alone in some of your challenges. And with a topic like this, there are so many people who are struggling with the exact same thing that you are, but nobody is talking about it because of the shame. So we think we're the only ones. But in reality, your struggle likely looks so much like other people. So I share my own stories and my history so that if you can see yourself in it, you can just know, huh, it is so relieving to know that I am not alone. And I can promise you, after having worked with so many people, the stories are much more similar and common than you would imagine, and than I ever imagined before really getting the privilege to be on the inside of so many of these conversations. So for me, for a long time, I was one of the most well-read people you would ever meet on the topic of food and body image. Intuitive eating, binge eating, how to lose weight, clean eating, I could talk to you about all of it. But none of that, not the books, not even the two rounds of intensive outpatient therapy ever really covered the nervous system back in the day when I was really deep into this. Now, my own learning about the nervous system, it came later. It was its own separate stretch of learning, well after everything else. But once it did, and once I really started to dive deep into the nervous system, the same pattern showed up all over again. I understood the theory of nervous system regulation completely long before I would I had ever actually regulated my own nervous system. I had a specific pattern, too, that I'm gonna guess you might share. Anytime I felt discouraged or stuck, I would buy another book. For years, that meant actual shelves of books, highlighted and dog-eared through the first few chapters, and often completely untouched after that. And these days, it's just as likely to be another download sitting unread on my phone. But it's the exact same pattern in a different form. I would read the exercises at the end of a chapter and think, I'll come back to this, and never did. The books piled up, physical or not, like proof that I was working on this problem, even though nothing in my actual days had changed. Now, I still love books. I read all the time, and I don't think that is a problem at all. I often recommend books to my clients. There have been many books that have been very impactful to me. But I have to catch myself in this pattern. Because what happens is I might be reading, telling myself I'm doing something about it because I'm reading about it, when I actually hadn't put a single thing that I was reading about into practice. And I was still binge eating. I used to think if I just found the right book, the one that finally explained it clearly enough, something would click and the behavior would change on its own. But it never did. And it's not because the books were wrong, but because reading about something and doing it are two completely different skills. So I have a name for this now. Shelf help. All those books lined up. All of that understanding sitting there, but none of it is actually practiced. So if that is you right now, I want you to know you are not doing it wrong. You are not lazy. There is nothing wrong with you. So many people experience exactly what I just described. So you are not alone in this. And that's exactly what we're talking about today and why we're talking about this today. You're just missing the part that comes next, that comes after the reading. So here's a question. As we kind of dive into this, what do you know? Maybe it's a concept, it's something that you've learned about that you're still not doing. So, like, is there something that you have learned? Is there a concept? Is there something that you understand, but you're not actually putting it into practice in your own life? And let's keep it really specific to food, since we are on the Binge Eating Breakthrough Podcast. What do you know? What concept? What is something that you understand conceptually that might help you in your relationship with food that you're not practicing? So just hold on to that question and that answer if something comes to you right now, and just keep it in mind. And we'll we'll come back to it. Now, if nothing comes to mind right away, that's okay too. A lot of us have never actually stopped to notice the gap between what we know and what we're actually doing on the day-to-day. So let's walk through what's actually happening in that gap between what we know, what we're learning, and what we're actually doing and what it takes to close the gap. So most people believe that once they truly understand something, that the change will just naturally follow. But here's what I've learned instead. Understanding is necessary, but it is not sufficient. Your brain can fully grasp a concept while your nervous system is still running the old pattern completely on its own. We all know that feeling, that autopilot. It's just running what it has been running over and over, no matter what we just read and what we learned. This is not a knowledge problem, it's a practice problem. So I remember reading about parts work for the first time and understanding it immediately. Of course, there's a part of me that wanted to keep binging, that wanted to keep this uh eating in place. And of course, there was a part of me that wanted it to stop, that hated it. That made complete sense to me conceptually. But what the book couldn't give me was how to actually connect with either one instead of just standing back and watching them fight it out inside me. I understood the idea of two parts in conflict long before I had any real idea of how to communicate with either one, let alone stop the battle between them. Now, none of this means that reading is pointless, but it's worth being really honest about what it gives you and what it doesn't. So reading is not wasted. I am a huge fan. I read every day. It gives you language for what you're experiencing. It gives you the map. If you caught last week's episode, which I'll put a link to in the show notes, you already know, or if you've been listening for a while, you know that I wrote a book about finding peace with food. It's called The Binge Eating Breakthrough. And in that book, I go through, I map out the four pillars that I believe get you to peace with food. Here's the short version. If you didn't listen to last week's episode, the book lays out the four foundational components, these four pillars. They're clarity, connection, compassion, and confidence. So clarity, understanding why you struggle with food in the first place is the first pillar. That's where we start our map. But a map isn't the same as the journey. So it's not that different from planning out a route before you've ever actually traveled it. Studying the map helps, but it's not the journey itself. You can look at a map and you can know exactly where the path turns. But when you're out there on the road, on that path, it can feel completely different when you are the one actually walking the path. So I saw this exact gap with my own nervous system work. Once I understood the theory, I finally had language for what was happening to me in certain moments, feeling like I couldn't handle something, when I was snapping at the dog, when I was wanting to walk away from a hard conversation. But just understanding it did not change my reactions in the moment. Not at first. What actually changed was noticing those moments as they were happening, recognizing my nervous system for what it was, recognizing the state I was in, and trying something different instead of going into the same automatic reaction over and over. But even that didn't happen in the moment at first. For a long time, I could only see it afterward, looking back and noticing where I could have done something differently and making a plan for the next time it happened. Reading got me the insight, but it never once got me the noticing or the doing something different in real time. Only actually living it over and over closed that gap. So if reading isn't the problem, why do so many of us stay there longer than we need to? I think it's this. Buying the next one felt like moving forward even when nothing else had changed. Actually, trying something means you might fail in front of yourself. Reading about it, listening about it never creates that opportunity for failure. It just all sounds so good. It sounds so nice and well put together. And that's the trade that so many of us make without realizing that we're making it. We stay safe in our heads instead of risking something not going the way that we hoped. So, what does it actually take to get out of your head and into the doing? A few specific things. Because it will fade. It requires practicing something imperfectly instead of understanding it perfectly. Whether you get there through reading, through podcasts like this one, or through any other kind of learning, the gap is the same. You can be fully informed on a topic and still be nowhere near the doing of it. When I finally started changing something, it wasn't because I understood more about my parts. It was because I had someone helping me practice actually being with them instead of just reading about how they were impacting my life. And in my experience working with clients, moving through this exact thing, the difference between someone who has learned about change and someone who actually experiences it almost always comes down to the doing. Sometimes what helps is more information. Sometimes it's the same information, but presented in a new way. Sometimes it is new information, but none of it matters much without actually practicing what you are learning. What makes the difference is having support around the doing so that you don't just give up the first time it doesn't go the way you thought it would, or the way it was just perfectly outlined in the book or the podcast or whatever your learning tool is. So here are some practical shifts that you can put into place to shift from reading or learning into doing. So first, notice the next time that you reach for another book, podcast, or article on this topic and ask yourself honestly, without judgment, but honestly, if you are seeking new information or if you are avoiding practicing what you already know. Number two, go back to what came to mind when I asked you what is the thing that you know, the concept that you understand that could be making a difference for you when it comes to peace with food, but you aren't doing, you aren't practicing. Pick that one thing and practice it this week, even imperfectly, especially imperfectly. It is likely to be imperfect if you have not yet been practicing it. One idea practiced multiple times beats 10 ideas that are just understood and sitting in your brain. Number three, notice where staying informed has felt safer than trying. That safety makes a lot of sense. So if we can see it, now we can create enough safety to practice something. Here's your next one. Experiment with telling one person what you're gonna practice. Doing it with someone watching, even gently or even from afar. They don't have to actually be watching, but it changes how real it feels. And if this somebody can then ask you, hey, how's that thing going for you? that can create a little bit of follow-up for yourself. Because we've got to remember the brain wants to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and use as little energy as possible. Guess what? Change takes energy and it could be painful. So it makes sense that just reading, just learning would be much more appealing than actually trying to put these things into practice. And lastly, ask yourself what would change if you had structure and support around the doing? Not just more clarity about what to do. But if you had support, if you had somebody to really give you some guidance, what would change? So I'm gonna give you an invitation to join me in the upcoming book experience. So I mentioned last week, in last week's episode, which I'll put a link to in the podcast show notes, that I wrote a book, The Binge Eating Breakthrough, and I have a seven-week book experience where we go through the book together. The four pillars: clarity, connection, compassion, and confidence, the four pillars to creating peace with food. It's seven weeks of taking everything from the book and everything that you've learned, whether it's the book, could be this podcast, could be anywhere else, and actually practicing it. Not alone, but alongside a group of people doing the exact same work at the exact same time. Now, this isn't the first time I've run this book experience. And what I love about it is there's always a great mix of new people to the experience and people who have come back to do it over and over again. Because the doing looks different every time. Because you are always in a new place in your life on any day. And I love the timing of this. August tends to feel like a fresh start for a lot of people, especially if you have kids or you're in school yourself, or you're just ready to get back to a regular routine after whatever your summer looked like. So here's something that um somebody told me after one of the rounds of the book experience. This is was from Camille. She said it was helping her to understand herself better and to build real self-compassion. And that is the kind of doing I want for you too. Now, I recognize that I'm talking about a book and reading versus doing. My book, the book has some great concepts in it, and I don't want it to be just shelf help for you. So the book experience helps us bridge that gap to go into doing. Now, if you are listening to this episode after the book experience has already wrapped, you can still turn your learning into doing. There's a companion workbook available separately with the book that walks you through the concepts in the book on a deeper level at your own pace. So you won't get the same side-by-side support as doing it with a group, but it will help you practice the work instead of just reading about it. So I'll put a link in the show notes. It's at janepilger.com forward slash book. Now, even if you're like, I'm not, the book experience isn't for me. Maybe it's not the right timing. Maybe you're listening to this after and the book experience is over. What I want you to really think about is to just be aware that reading, learning is not going to be the thing that changes this for you. No matter where the learning comes from, it is always going to be the doing. And the doing is so much easier with someone beside you, especially someone who has actually been through what you are going through right now. It took me so long to even notice that all of my learning wasn't turning into anything different. And I'm telling you that because if you are in the learning stage, but you're also wondering why nothing has changed, you're just missing the doing. You've already done so much of the learning. So what you might actually be missing is the structure to practice it. So I invite you, if the timing works for you, I invite you to join me for the book experience or decide how you are going to put what you are learning on this podcast, anywhere else, you are getting your information. How am I going to start putting what I am learning into practice? So whether that's joining me for the book experience or doing something else on your own, the invitation is to put it into practice consistently. That is where true change comes from. All right, that's what I have for you today. Next week, I'm gonna share five things that change my own relationship with food. So tune in for that. And that's what I have for you today. I'll see you next week. If you're listening to this episode live in August of 2026, check out the binge eating breakthrough book experience in the show notes. And if you're listening later, that same link will take you to my book where you can dive deeper into everything we talked about today on the podcast and start creating your own breakthrough with food.