20 Things You Need to Know to Stop Binge Eating

In this 200th episode of the Binge Eating Breakthrough Podcast, I'm sharing the 20 things I most want you to understand about binge eating and what it really takes to change your relationship with food.

Maybe you're still caught in the binge eating cycle and wondering why nothing you've tried has created lasting change. Or maybe you've already made significant progress but still find yourself struggling with urges, food rules, or trusting yourself around food.

Either way, this isn't a list of 20 tips or another plan to follow. It's 20 ways of understanding binge eating, restriction, urges, nervous system regulation, self-trust, food freedom, connection, and progress that may change the way you understand your relationship with food and yourself.

What You'll Discover:

• Why binge eating is a symptom and what your behavior may be trying to tell you
• How you can be eating enough food and still experience restriction
• Why an urge to binge and a binge are two different things
• Why knowing what to do isn't the same as having the capacity to do it
• Why connection may be one of the most important pieces of ending binge eating

If you've ever felt like you've tried everything to stop binge eating and can't understand why you still struggle, this episode offers a different place to start: not with another set of rules, but with a better understanding of what's happening and why.

Want all 20 ideas in one place? I've created a free download with all 20 Things You Need to Know to Stop Binge Eating so you can save them, revisit them, and notice which ones might change the way you understand your own experience.

Get your free copy at janepilger.com/top20

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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What if some of the things you think you know about ending binge eating are actually keeping you from seeing what could help? In honor of the 200th episode of the Binge Eating Breakthrough Podcast, I am sharing 20 things I most want you to understand about binge eating, food freedom, your nervous system, self-trust, connection, and what progress really looks like. Some of them may be familiar, and others might completely change the way you think about your struggle with food. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you're willing to question what you think you know, to get curious about your own experience, and to consider that there may be another way to understand yourself and your relationship with food. And today is a very special episode because this is episode 200. And when I started this podcast, I don't know that I ever imagined sitting here recording episode number 200. That is 200 conversations about binge eating, food, your brain and body, urges, emotions, nervous system regulation, safety, trust, connection, what's possible in your life, and ultimately your relationship with yourself. And as I thought about what I wanted to do to celebrate this milestone, I kept coming back to a question. After 200 episodes, if I could sit down with someone who is struggling with binge eating and tell them the things I most want them to understand, what would I tell them? Not 20 tips, not 20 things you need to start doing tomorrow. And definitely not another plan you need to follow. I wanted to give you 20 things I believe can change the way that you understand binge eating. And maybe even more importantly, the way you understand yourself. Because so much of what keeps people stuck isn't a lack of effort. Most people I work with have put an enormous amount of effort into trying to change their relationship with food. They've read the books, they've listened to the podcasts, they've tried the plans, they have made promises to themselves over and over, and they have started over more times than they can count. But what if some of what you've been taught about binge eating, food freedom, regulation, progress, and even what it means to change is incomplete. That's what I want to talk about today. Now, some of these things may be familiar to you, especially if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time. But others might cause you to stop for a moment and think, wait, I hadn't thought about it that way before. And that is what I hope this episode gives you. Not 20 more things to remember or to get right, but 20 different ways of understanding what is happening so you can begin working with yourself instead of continually fighting against yourself as it relates to food. And because there are 20 items on this list, and I do not expect you to remember all 20 while you're walking the dog, driving the car, folding laundry, or doing whatever you are doing while listening to me, I have also put all 20 together in a free download for you. And you can get that at janepilger.com slash top 20. I'll remind you again at the end. But let's get started. Here are the 20 things. Number one, binge eating isn't the problem, it's a symptom. When we focus only on stopping the behavior, we can miss what the behavior is trying to tell us. I often describe binge eating as a light on the dashboard. When a light comes on in your car, you don't solve the problem by covering that light up with a piece of tape so you can't see it anymore. The light is giving you information. It invites you to look under the hood and understand what is making that light come on in the first place. And binge eating can be understood in much the same way. If all of your attention is on making the binge go away, you may miss the information that it is giving you. Number two, your behavior makes sense. Even when you don't like it, one of the most powerful shifts you can make is moving away from the question, what is wrong with me? And toward the question, how does this make sense? There is a reason you are doing what you're doing. Understanding that reason doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. It gives you something useful to work with. Number three, what looks like self-sabotage may actually be an attempt to protect you. It's easy to look at binge eating and think, why do I keep doing this to myself? Why am I sabotaging everything I want? But the part of you reaching for food isn't necessarily working against you. It may be trying to soothe you, protect you, give you relief, help you escape, meet a need, or get you through something that feels difficult. When you become curious about what that part of you is trying to accomplish, you can begin working with yourself instead of fighting against yourself. Number four, you don't need another plan. If the right meal plan, set of food rules, or strategy could solve this, you probably would have found it by now. Now, that doesn't mean that planning is bad. Supportive structure can be incredibly helpful. But a plan alone can't address what is driving the behavior. You don't need to keep searching for the perfect way to eat so that you'll finally be able to control yourself around food. Number five, you can be eating enough food and still experience restriction. Restriction isn't only about how much you're eating. Food rules, forbidden foods, compensating, delaying eating, or believing you shouldn't eat or want certain foods can create a sense of scarcity that leads to strong urges to eat. This is why someone can say, but I'm not dieting anymore. I'm eating enough. Why do I still feel this way around food? Because physical restriction isn't the only kind of restriction. Psychological restriction counts too. Number six, food may be solving a problem you haven't recognized yet. Food can soothe, it can numb, it can stimulate, it can distract, it can comfort, it can give you pleasure, it can help you transition from one part of your day to another. It can provide temporary escape. So before you immediately try to take food away, get curious about what you're asking it to do. If food is solving a problem for you, simply removing the food doesn't necessarily solve the problem. Number seven, not every urge to binge is the same. An urge created by deprivation may need a very different response from one connected to emotion, habit, protection, or your nervous system state. And this is one reason I don't love one size fits all advice about what to do when you have an urge to binge. Before deciding what to do with an urge, it helps to understand the urge you're actually having. Number eight, an urge to binge and a binge itself are two different things. An urge is an experience, it's a sensation in your body. And binging is one possible response to that experience. Now, sometimes those two things can feel almost inseparable when you have responded to urges in the same way again and again. But learning to separate the urge from what happens next creates more room for agency and choice. Number nine, knowing what to do and having the capacity to do it are different things. You can know exactly what to do and still be unable to access that response in a particular moment. And I think this explains so much of the frustration that people experience. I know what to do. Why can't I just do it? Because knowledge and capacity are not the same thing. Sometimes the answer isn't learning one more thing, it's increasing your capacity to access what you already know when you need it. Number 10, your ability to choose changes depending on the state of your nervous system. When your brain and body perceive threats, protection takes priority. Now, that doesn't mean that you have no agency, but it does mean that the choices that feel available to you can change depending on your state. So learning to recognize and work with your nervous system gives you greater access to choices that may otherwise feel unavailable. Number 11, you don't need to be calm to be regulated. Now, this is important. Regulation doesn't mean walking through life calm and relaxed all of the time. You can be sad, angry, disappointed, energized, nervous, or uncomfortable and still be regulated. Regulation is having enough capacity to experience what is happening while remaining connected to yourself. The goal isn't to get rid of difficult feelings, it's to increase your ability to be with yourself while you are having them. Number 12, you don't have to answer every urge with no. Agency isn't becoming really good at denying yourself. Sometimes you may choose to eat. Sometimes you may choose not to eat. The important part is that you're developing the ability to choose rather than simply following rules, automatically responding to an urge or fighting with yourself. And that is part of how trust develops. Number 13, what you do after a binge can change the cycle. We spend so much time thinking about how to prevent a binge that we sometimes overlook what happens afterward. But your response after a binge can either reinforce the cycle or begin changing it. Shame, judgment, restriction, compensation, promising yourself you'll do better tomorrow, getting rid of all those foods. These responses can become part of the very cycle you are trying to end. Instead, the binge can become information. What happened? What did you notice? What did you need? What did the food do for you? What might support you now? You can't change the binge that already happened, but you can change what happens next. Number 14, self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. This is one of the biggest concerns I hear about compassion. If I'm nice to myself about this, won't I just keep doing it? Don't I need to hold myself accountable? Compassion does not mean pretending something didn't happen or deciding that you don't care. It allows you to look honestly at what happened without having to defend yourself against shame. You can take responsibility for your choices without attacking yourself for making them. Number 15, food freedom isn't eating everything all the time. Giving yourself permission to eat something doesn't mean you always have to choose it. Freedom isn't, I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, so I should. Food freedom gives you more room to make intentional choices based on what you want, what you need, and what will support you rather than making those choices from fear, rigidity, or rebellion. Permission gives you choice. It doesn't take choice away. Number 16, self-trust isn't the absence of struggle. Trusting yourself doesn't mean you reach a point where everything is easy and you always make the choice you intended to make. It's knowing you can stay with yourself or find your way back to yourself when things get hard. Trust gets built through repeated experiences of listening, responding, repairing, and continuing. You don't build self-trust by proving you'll never struggle again. You build it by learning that you won't abandon yourself when you do. Number 17. If I had to distill ending binge eating down to one word, it would be connection. Binge eating often happens in moments of disconnection from yourself, your emotions, your needs, your body, your nervous system, or other people. So much of this work is about learning to stay connected when you can and reconnect when you've lost connection. And it's about experiencing the power of being understood and supported by other people. If there were a magic pill for binge eating, I often say it would be connection. Connection with yourself, connection with what you're feeling, connection with what you need, connection with your body and your nervous system, and connection with people who understand what you are experiencing and can remind you that you don't have to navigate it all alone. Number 18, progress often begins before the binge eating disappears. This is something I wish more people knew. Because if the only evidence of progress you're looking for is did I binge or didn't I, you are going to miss so much. Maybe you were more aware. Maybe you paused. Maybe you stayed present longer instead of completely checking out. Maybe you ate less food. Maybe you stopped sooner. Maybe you actually reached out and asked for support. Maybe you recognized what you needed. Maybe you came back to yourself and more quickly afterwards. Progress with food often happens in these small moments that nobody else can see. Don't overlook those moments just because the behavior hasn't completely disappeared yet. Number 19, the goal isn't a perfect relationship with food. It's a peaceful one. Peace with food doesn't mean you will always eat exactly the way you intended. It doesn't mean you will never overeat. It doesn't mean you will never have an urge. And it doesn't mean you'll never have another difficult experience with food. It means that food no longer takes up so much of your mental and emotional energy. There is more space, more space to be present, more space to connect, more space to think about things other than food, more space for the rest of your life. And this brings me to number 20. Eventually, the work becomes about much more than food. And this may be one of my favorite things that I have learned through doing this work with people over the years. You may start because you desperately want to stop binge eating. But as you begin to understand yourself, develop trust, increase your capacity, and learn how to stay connected to yourself, something else starts happening. Those skills don't just stay in the kitchen or at your table. They affect how you experience emotions, how you respond when things don't go according to plan, how you navigate relationships, how you make decisions, how you take care of yourself, how you move through difficult moments, how you live your life. Food may be where you first noticed the struggle, but the work becomes about so much more than food. So that's it. 20 things I want you to know about ending binge eating in honor of 200 episodes of the binge eating breakthrough podcast. I'm gonna go through them all again for you really quickly. And again, there is a download if you want to have them all in one place. You can go to janepilger.com forward slash top 20. 20, the the number two zero. Number one, binge eating isn't the problem, it's a symptom. Two, your behavior makes sense. Three, what looks like self-sabotage may actually be an attempt to protect you. Four, you don't need another plan. Five, you can be eating enough and still experience restriction. Six, food may be solving a problem you haven't recognized yet. Seven, not every urge to binge is the same. Eight, an urge to binge and a binge are two different things. Knowing what to do and having the capacity to do it are different things. Your ability to choose changes depending on the state of your nervous system. Eleven, you don't need to be calm to be regulated. 12. You don't have to answer every urge with no. 13. What you do after a binge can change the cycle. 14. Self-compassion isn't letting yourself off the hook. 15. Food freedom isn't eating everything all the time. 16. Self-trust isn't the absence of struggle. 17. If I had to distill binge eating, ending binge eating down to one word, it would be connection. 18. Progress often happens before the binge eating disappears. 19. The goal isn't a perfect relationship with food, it's a peaceful one. And 20, eventually the work becomes about much more than food. Now, as I look back at this list, I realize how different it is from a list that I might have created if the question were simply, what should someone do to stop binge eating? Because so much of this work isn't about finding more things to do. It's about understanding what is already happening differently. Understanding your behavior, understanding your urges, understanding restriction, understanding your nervous system, understanding what food is doing for you, and understanding what compassion, trust, connection, progress, freedom, and peace can actually look like. And when your understanding changes, the way you respond to yourself can begin to change too. So again, that download with all 20 of these items in one place, so you don't have to remember them, is at janepilger.com forward slash top 20, 20 being the number two zero. Save it. Come back to it. And maybe notice which one of these 20 items you most needed to hear today. 200 episodes is a milestone that I am so grateful to celebrate. And having you here, listening, sharing these episodes, and sending them to people who need them means more than I can put into words. And my hope is that you will keep coming back, keep listening, and keep learning the things that can support your journey with food and the rest of your life too. That's what I have for you today. I'll see you next week. If you've been trying to stop believing and nothing has worked, there's a reason. I created the Big Breaker mini series to help you finally understand what's happening in the surface of you can stop. So you can stop for the